Some men take their poisons, while other men abstain
I've no dispute with either and could often do the same
But there's those who have my sympathy
No matter who they are
Those poor pathetic creatures drinking water at the bar Now a man might take a ribbing if he ordered up some tea
Some men shout for whiskey though it's not the drink for me
I'll have a pint of ale m'boys for no matter near or far
There's nothing so peculiar, drinking water at the bar There's those who wouldn't cross the street
And them's that takes the pains
Some will take fermented fruit, while the others hops & grains
From the drunkard to the pious man who'd never tilt a jar
There's nothing so peculiar, drinking water at the bar Now I might forgive a man if he by chance had robbed a bank
Or a Captain whom through sheer neglect
Allowed his ship to sink
I understand an unfortunate man could be forced to steel a car
But there's simply no excuse for drinking water at the bar For there's colas and there's sodas from the rafters to the floor
There's juices and there's cocktails and there's cordials galore
There's drinks of all descriptions so it strikes me as bizarre
Have they no imagination drinking water at the bar? There's those who wouldn't cross the street
And them's that takes the pains
Some will take fermented fruit, while the others hops & grains
From the drunkard to the pious man who'd never tilt a jar
There's no one so peculiar, drinking water at the bar Oh it's fine for washing dishes or for bathing now and then
Or for keeping little fishes, oh but let us not pretend
That unless you set your face on fire with a belching big cigar
You won't be taken kindly, drinking water at the bar Let all great folk upon this earth, unite in this decree;
For it's nothing short of blasphemous!
(I'm sure the Pope agrees)
That no matter how remote you thought
Your chances were so far
You'll never get to heaven drinking water at the bar There's those who wouldn't cross the street
And them's that takes the pains
Some will take fermented fruit, while the others hops & grains
From the drunkard to the pious man who'd never tilt a jar
There's nothing so peculiar, drinking water at the bar | 
